It’s summer now. So much has happened and what I mostly want you to know and celebrate with me is that I am alive and well and may even be able to tell a bit about it!
My heart started to run away with me. Not in the romantic sense! In the ticking inside me very rapidly and jumping around non-stop sense. My experience in the hospital included a week in the cardiac unit and many angels along the way who literally held my life in their hands and loved me back to life. I tried to leave this physical world. But the in-between world would not let me in. Literally all I got was a huge, stolid, black cement wall right in front of me and absolutely not allowing me access to the other side. Call as I did for help from the non-physical, over and over again, angels on this side held on to me and warmed and loved my heart back into my present life.
Angels on the other side of the veil, or in my case it was a huge black cement block, pushed back and refused to accept me. I was stunned. They didn’t want me. I was in pain, and I wanted relief. I wanted to escape. I needed to find peace and hope. I thought I could find it on the other side of the blank black cement slab. The angels and I suspect, my ancestors, told me NO.
I really do love it here in this world with all of you and my family and those I love and those who love me! I really am ready to stay. However, I didn’t know that then. Now I remember that I still have work to do here. The angels held the knowing of that and insisted on me completing what I had forgotten I was supposed to be doing. When I speak of angels I am also meaning my ancestors. I absolutely felt aunts, uncles, friends, my parents, all pushing against me firmly determined I could not yet join them.
When I left the hospital still feeling a bit miffed that I wasn’t wanted on the other side of the cement wall, Clo and I went to Houghton Lake. My daughter and son-in-law have a cottage on Houghton Lake in Michigan where I was able to begin healing. My partner Clo, and my daughters’ Lisa and Michelle are the primary angels in my story. Clo literally saved my life by getting me to the emergency room—just in time. My daughters Lisa and Michelle spent many hours by my bedside, feeding me soup, and guiding me when I felt shaky as I walked to the bathroom.
Houghton Lake is a quiet sanctuary, a relief, a place where my heart lives and my mind heals. It is a lazy little town with nothing of great note except the largest inland lake in Michigan and back woods energy that reminds me of childhood. This small lake side town is very like the town in northern Michigan where I spent my childhood. I was returning to a place that felt familiar in a spiritual and psychic sense. It felt like coming home. I had roots that pulled me into the earth and held me in a way I felt close and safe.
Clo and I had no challenges and nothing was a crisis in this little town by water and woods. Our biggest problem each day was where to find food that suited us. Clo has a gourmet pallet and Houghton Lake has to scramble big time to come even close to meeting her standards. We had quiet time with no pressures to take walks, sit and talk, take naps, and read to each other. It felt safe and we had time to connect because we wanted to and not because we needed each other to keep me alive. Together Clo and I faced what the medical world was telling us was very probably close to me dying.
Now we quietly and gently and kindly held each other in peace and hope and relief. Crisis can tear a relationship apart. Or you can choose to turn to each other for comfort and healing. Things may have been said, things may or may not have been done, but in the end, what matters is that you have and need each other. A family or relationship crisis is a perfect opportunity to set the past in the past. It is a time to close the door, turn your back, and walk away from old hurts and old ways of responding to each other. It is an opportunity to start over.
Creating a new start gives you the chance to bring new hope and understanding with each other. Understanding comes with talking and sharing even sometimes things that feel risky to say but need to be said. Secrets erode trust and the feeling of being safe and secure. When your relationship has been dealt a hard blow, you are being given the opportunity to begin anew.
It is important to do that processing safely. When in the midst of chaos and shambles, pain and uncertainty you can both use your words and your experience to listen respectfully and with an open heart to what your partner is saying. You both have a story to tell. Clo’s experience of feeling responsible to get me to help in time was enormous. And time and time again she had to listen to doctors and nurses as they valiantly attempted to find yet another way to respond to my body going way out of control. She had fear, sadness, frustration and hope to share with me. And I was a responsible and available partner and welcomed her telling me her story.
I on the other hand, had my story of leaving this life and returning. I had my feelings of fear and anger, and then the tremendous relief of being alive and having a future again. Those are the stories that must be shared in a relationship when crisis and trauma hits. That is all a huge part of the relationship healing and growing as well as both individuals healing and growing.
Sharing huge events is part of life and part of every relationship. Make a conscious decision to hold on to each other, support each other, and trust your partner is doing the very best he or she knows how to do given that trauma forever changes life as you have known it. Give yourself and your partner the courtesy of time to learn and time to catch up with the new.