I honestly thought it would be a piece of cake, a walk in the park, literally. I saw myself walking, hiking, exploring, visiting and learning. Like taking bird watching classes and going on trips with Elder Hostel.
Imagine my surprise (I wonder if you can?) when I woke up one morning, realized I would soon be 71 years old, and had to get ready to go to work so I could pay the mortgage. What happened to retiring at 65 or even earlier? What happened to being mortgage free and available for travel and hobbies? And how about bored? Wasn’t I supposed to be bored and have to learn new ways to use my time well?
More and more of us are realizing the cost of living makes it impossible to retire in our sixties if we want to continue with the life style we have come to enjoy and expect. I don’t at all think that is a bad thing; quite the contrary, actually. Some of us are creating new ways to make a living. Some are taking a long- time love, possibly a previous hobby, something we haven’t had time for in the past, and are learning to turn that loving dream into a means of supplementing our incomes. Absolutely fun! What a wonderful way to bring renewed energy, hope, joy, and challenge into life as we grow older and hopefully wiser.
One of the unexpected and particularly blessed gifts I have discovered as I age is how to open myself to the spiritual world—again. I remember that I knew how to do this as a child. But I forgot what I knew. And it scares me when I think of how open and vulnerable I have to be to let the spiritual world back into my life. What could possibly be so scary about intensely feeling the energy that surrounds all of us all of the time? There needn’t be anything to fear. There was a time as small children and infants that we all remembered being connected in spirit to more than self. Life and adult anxiety and uncertainty create a rupture and our heart and mind are torn from the safety of feeling connected to something far greater than just one’s self. I find it to be an exciting adventure to re-member what I once knew and have since forgotten.
Thirty years ago I was married to the father of my four children who are now grown and have families of their own. I almost never see him. I haven’t had contact with him in many years. My children don’t see him very often either. A few weeks ago I found myself intensely absorbed in energy that, for lack of better words, I call a psychic web. For 2 days I constantly thought about him: about him dying, us talking, me saying “Once we loved each other. What do you think happened?”
The power of that experience so absorbed me that I could think of little else for 2 days and it continued to hover for 3 more days. I believe unconsciously his spirit was seeking me. I don’t know for what purpose. I make up his body, his spirit as well, was taking a significant step toward dying. I would like to believe he wanted contact with me for the purpose of connecting like we never were really able to do. I doubt that is true. What is probably more likely is his spirit, which is way wiser than he has been able to be, was reaching out knowing that healing needed to happen and could in fact happen, if he could let it. I guess he still can’t let me in. I am sorry.
I’ve been caught in a psychic web before and expect I will be again. Aging is helping me trust and believe in myself. Sometimes I know important things and it doesn’t matter one bit if anyone else knows those same things. Following my psychic entanglement with my former husband, my daughter called her father and asked him if he was alright. He said absolutely and denied anything had happened. I don’t believe him. But I do suspect he may not have known something was happening. His unconscious was trying to reach me, but he was still too something—scared maybe, to let that happen. Probably too angry as well!
If we are all one, and we return to the source, when a part of him dies, a part of me dies as well. It makes sense that I could feel something was going on with him. We share a psychic connection. What I realize as I age is that my body is finite but my mind is infinite. I will always be connected to something greater than myself. I will always know more than I realize I know. I am whole with something I cannot see, but I can feel and know even when I am not sure I fully understand.